At least I'll swim free
by NoxianRoses
Summary: [One shot of Makoto x Haruka. No hardcore yaoi.] Makoto reflects on his feelings towards Haruka and realizes that everything he does, even the simplest of actions, only prove his feelings for him. But how will he tell Haruka? And will it be too late...?


(( A/N : Hope you enjoy this one shot! Comments and criticism are welcome! ))

He woke up to the sound of his siblings playing around, happily screaming a closure to the weekend. He woke up and quickly took a bath, got changed, and ate a hearty breakfast speedily. He walked out of his apartment in the direction of his old friend's house, waving goodbye to his own parents. Running up the stairs in excitement, he stopped along to greet the tiny white cat along the way, nuzzling its head against the youth's gentle fingers.

As he arrived at the house, he knocked on the door. As usual, the null reponse would lead him to enter the house through the back door, although he didn't really like intruding into the house. Expecting him to be in the bathroom, Makoto hastily dashed towards it, knocking as he entered immediately.

"Ohayo, Haru-chan!" Makoto casually greeted the blue eyed boy, who was laying in the bathtub full of water. He smiled warmly at Haruka, who looked up at the familar voice.

"Ohayo, Makoto," was all the response the warm, cheery Makoto got, but he knew it was the usual. Extending his hand to the other, who received it reluctantly, he pulled Haruka out of his lovenest.

"Time to go, Haru!"

"Mm."

After breakfast, - which Haruka cooked up another delicious serving of...mackerel in his apron and swimsuit only, and Makoto keeping quiet even though the irking feeling of wanting to ask "Again?" was creeping into him, - they walked out and headed to school together, walking along the pavement next to the sea.

This was their usual routine in the morning, not much different from every other day. Makoto enjoyed this time that they shared. They were really close friends, ever since elementary school and the fact that they were in the same swimming club and class since then. Occasional talking and teasing each other would sometimes entertain them, otherwise the soft breeze and the bright sun would. Makoto loved to poke fun at Haruka, who would just look away and hide tiny blushes as they walk to school.

It was different after school, though. Most of the time they would be together with the swim team training, or doing random things, as long as they were together. Makoto enjoyed that camaraderie with his friends - he regarded his teammates, even Gou, as his close friends - and loved the warmth that being with them gave. But he knew it was different than those mornings. The mornings spent with Haruka, which may seem minor and seemingly insignificant, but were actually happenings of every single day since elementary school. It was more than just a routine. It was like a blooming of a flower, routinal, yet necessary. It was part of him.

Evening came, and once again, the two would find themselves walking home together. Makoto would frequently purchase a popstick, and break it into half, giving it to Haruka, who would just accept it politely. A small action, perhaps, but it was a sign of their friendship. As they walk home, they would talk about their day and the happenings in school, the conversation a little more livelier than the morning's. Makoto would walk Haruka home, knowing the other's family wasn't at home, which sometimes led to Makoto thinking that Haruka was lonely and worrying about him. But then again, he would think, it's Haruka, and chuckle it off in his head. He would then wave goodbye to his friend, and make his way home quietly, recalling the day's events.

As the days went by, Makoto noticed that his friend was becoming more sad. He sensed it, but did not know why. He just couldn't lay a finger on it. Although Haruka didn't show it outwardly, he knew. He knew. Just not why.

That night, Haruka looked at him for a long hard minute in silence after asking whether Makoto had anything to say to him before parting ways. Makoto found it weird, but just answered, "N-not really...?".

"Okay then. Goodnight," was the reply, as per normal, and Haruka swiftly turned his head and entered his house.

Later on, Makoto lay on his bed and began pondering about things - life, swimming, his fear of the sea which he would then think of something else, his friends and Haruka.

The thing that Makoto and Haruka shared, was the fact that they loved to hide their feelings. Makoto was simply caring and did not really want others to be bothered by his feelings, and even if he was depressed, or angry, which was unlikely, he preferred to fit into the mood of his friends. He didn't bottle anything up, but rather released his emotions gently like a fluid poured out from a water bottle. Haruka, on the other hand, just kept silent about most things, unless provoked or has something to do about water or swimming. The two knew that about each other - hiding their feelings. Maybe after being friends for almost a decade made them used to each other, even to know almost everything about each other.

But Makoto felt that the other was hiding something from him. He sensed it deeply. It was a strong emotion, just like the feeling he got when Haruka would talk about water. But this feeling was suppressed. Suppressed intentionally, he thought. He never bothered about his feelings towards others and always strived to remain friendly and cheerful, possibly seeming superficial. But it wasn't because he didn't want to let anyone in. Maybe, he wondered, maybe, he had already let someone in. And maybe, just maybe that person was the one who was always by his side, literally as well.

He kept questioning himself and his feelings, wondering if they would lead to good outcomes, or bad consequences. Maybe the other was just sad that he had lost to Rin, and the fact that Rin said he would never swim with the other again? Maybe he found out that his parents left him permanently? Maybe he ran out of water? No, he thought. No question qould perfectly fit and answer why Haruka was acting this way. Sure, hearing that from Rin was heartbreaking to himself, and maybe Haruka would be affected the same way. But he felt that it wasn't just it. It was something more than losing an old friend.

A spark ran through his mind and electrified him momentarily. _J-J-Jealousy?_

No, not Haruka being jealous. It was him being jealous. He tried to convince himself out of it, but the thought of imagining Haruka to be hurt by what Rin had said seemed to agree with his outrageous feelings of jealousy.

_So... so... maybe I was right... He is sad because of Rin..._

He sighed heavily, clutching his chest. Is this what jealousy feels like? Maybe he was indeed in love with Haruka. Maybe they were together for so long that he didn't even notice that the simple acts he did were somewhat like that of a couple's. That night, he decided that he wouldn't leave his friend alone. All the more that Haruka was sad made him want to be with him even more. And maybe it would develop into something. After all, they were like opposites, and opposites attract, no?

Makoto slept with an uneasy feeling in his chest, with droplets of excitement mixed in as well.

* * *

Makoto woke up. No noise. No siblings running around to wake him up.

_11 : 02. Saturday._

"W-wah! I woke up later than usual! It's Saturday, though..." He scracthed his hair as he sat up.

Normally the two would wake him up. Weird, he thought.

He got ready - had his bath and changed- and had his breakfast. He noticed that no one was at home - a surprise. The silence made him a little more reflective, and as he was chewing on his bread, the feelings last night resurfaced. _I guess... I'll tell him today..._

Anxiety and nervousness built up, wondering how the outcome would be. Would he say yes? No? If yes, what then? If no...

"Good morning, Makoto." A gruff voice interrupted his thoughts. It was his father. Makoto looked at his father with curious eyes and opened his mouth to answer, but was once again interrupted. "Do you have any plans today?"

"...Plans? ...And good morning, oto-san."

His father nodded, not wanting to repeat.

"I...I was thinking of maybe going back to school to swim with my friends...but I guess if you have pl-"

"Do you have any plans?" His father reiterated.

Makoto was taken aback. He nodded and replied shyly, "I wanted to...visit Haruka."

His father stood up and smiled at Makoto, saying, "Well, then let's do that," before leaving the house. Makoto left his food on the table, unable to finish it. He followed his father out, his mind in a state of confusion, not sure what his father meant by that.

* * *

The train journey was silent and no words were spoken, the only noise was the train sounds and the chatter of the crowd. Makoto's anixety increased, absolutely unsure of what this was all about. He couldn't take the solemness of his father, but he would not answer any question, and Makoto couldn't do anything about it...

* * *

His father led him along a pathway from the station, to a building - the hospital. By now, Makoto's anxiety and nervousness increased, but for a different reason. His heart paced quickly, for a different reason. His father led him to a ward where his family awaited outside the room. His siblings were asleep, but his mother, too, was as solemn as her husband. They gestured him to go inside.

"Makoto! Stay strong!" His mother said with weary eyes. She looked like she had cried buckets, and she looked pale and tired.

He gulped. Nodding, he opened the door.

There he saw his five friends. Rei, Nagisa, Gou, Haruka and even Rin. They were all there. Again, there was silence. He greeted each of his friends. As he greeted each one, it came to one more person left.

"Hey, ...Haru." A tear slid down from his eye as he greeted his closest friend. But all he got was no response, as usual.

He walked towards the bed, tears almost blurring his vision. He took the other's hand and grappled it tightly. "H...hey, Haru!"

"M-mako-chan..." Nagisa called out in worry, teary-eyed too.

Makoto didn't reply, only looking at Haruka.

Rin coldly threw what looked like a sealed letter towards Makoto, landing on his head. Makoto glanced at Rin, then at the letter.

_Oi, Makoto._

_It seems that there's something more than mackerels that I love. Water._

_But, actually, there's something more than water that I love. You._

_That night, I asked you if you had anything to say. You said, "not really" and before that we were talking about our childhood crushes, you told me yours was a girl whom you described so fittingly well to be like me. I took that to be me anyway. _

_I never told you mine, I guess. When you were scared that night, I held your hand. I vowed never to see you really sad, and one of the ways that I figured was being with you. Because you always looked so happy with me. You were my childhood crush. Are still._

_But when you had nothing to say...I thought that it wasn't me. And I didn't want to lose you. I...already lost Rin. And not saying anything... I just couldn't take it..._

_...I don't even know why I'm writing this. I just thought maybe you should know. Oh and thanks for those pills you sent me for my fever. I'll take them before I sleep tonight. You know where I'll be in the morning._

_Haru_

"Haruka! Answer me, da-" His sadness overpowered his anger, stopping him from shouting. Instead, he laid his head on Haruka's unresponsive body, slowly absorbing everything. The pills that Makoto gave had sleeping effects and he had also put a note for Haruka not to take it in the bathtub.

"I didn't know...you'll be here in the morning..." He whispered, his tears entering his mouth, while the others trying to comfort him.

* * *

Nagisa quietly intertwined his arms around Makoto's in comfort, watching the jar in his hands. Next to them was Rei and Rin, both sitting beside the two on the sand. Once again, there was silence. A gentle breeze blew their hairs while the evening sun shone brightly at them. Nagisa tightened his grip on the other's arm - he could sense the tension from Makoto.

"Mako-chan... Are you okay...?" He worriedly asks, feeling sad for the loss of his friend as well as the sadness of the other's, especially Makoto.

He nodded, thanking the smaller boy. With tears in his eyes, he smiled warmly.

"Death may strike a family like ours randomly, but that will not change anything. Haruka will always be in our hearts..." Makoto's stuttering became more obvious, but he managed to say it. The two stood up and walked towards the waves, with the other two following as well.

With Nagisa's hand in one for comfort, and the ashes of Haruka in the other from the jar, Makoto stood proudly. He threw the ashes into the sea, watching as they got carried by the wind and the waves.

"At least...he'll forever swim free."


End file.
